I recently read an article by Mark Manson titled “Who The Fuck Am I? : The Ultimate Guide to Personal Values”.
Like most of Mark’s writing, a few passages stuck out to me. When mulling over the race I ran last week and being less than satisfied, I knew I needed to do some re-evaluating. I needed to look in the mirror and really see myself and see if I was living my values. I needed to see if my actions corresponded to my goals. Further, I wanted to see if there were big things I needed to change.
I began last week focusing on recovering and eating well. Those things are basic, but can catapult me into a better mindset to think about other parts of my life. When I am super tired and lacking nutrients, I find I am more willing to let life just happen. I go through the motions at my job because I know how to do it. I am still a hard worker, but I find it hard to engage when I am in this mindset. I don’t get angry or emotional, but I also don’t have that zest for life I usually do.
I like this quality about myself, so it’s important to me to retain that either in or out of peak training.
It must be something else, something outside simply eating enough and resting enough. If I control for those variables, what else is just making me less than myself?
For a while now I’ve been considering what it would be like to work with kids. To coach or help out with younger runners. I know that the biggest role models in my life were the teenagers and young adults who took the time, were patient, and just made me feel like I mattered. They were amazing in my eyes. I wanted to be like them.
A recent opportunity to help out with the Youth Track Programs has come onto my radar, one that I feel strongly I should pursue. It would be a few nights a week helping out at a track practice and getting kids ready to run the Ithaca Festival Mile, a really fun event that kicks off the Ithaca Parade.
The only problem is my work schedule, which has me closing every night. It is hard to do a lot of volunteering, go to events or do much of anything social with this schedule. I am someone who usually doesn’t need or want to go out to bars or stay up too late…but coaching track? Yes please! Running with kids? OH YES!
There in-lies my current predicament, what to do about this opportunity. How to make my schedule work. This is what has been on my mind this week. CTB is my family, will they let me change my schedule? What should I do if not? How can I make this part of my life, the social part I feel I am lacking, a more focal point?
These things are still very much up in the air, but I’m trying. I want to make something happen. I want to expand my horizons. That means change.
And change is scary.
But if the changes, if these actions, align with my values, align with my goals, then maybe they’re necessary.
Even if it means asking for things, being a pain, or even making a bigger life change.